Writing a Confidentiality Clause for a Friends-With-Benefits Arrangement

Friends-with-benefits arrangements work best when both people feel safe. And feeling safe starts with knowing your private life stays private. A confidentiality clause might sound overly formal for something casual, but it's really just a written promise: what happens between us stays between us.

Here's how to write one that actually works.

Why FWB Arrangements Need Confidentiality

Most people in FWB situations have overlapping social circles. You might share mutual friends, coworkers, or even live in the same neighborhood. Without a clear understanding about privacy, things can get messy fast.

Common concerns include:

One person telling mutual friends about the arrangement
Screenshots of private conversations being shared
Details about intimacy being discussed casually with others
Social media posts that hint at or reveal the relationship

A confidentiality clause addresses all of this upfront, before anyone's feelings get hurt or trust gets broken.

What to Include in Your Clause

A good FWB confidentiality clause covers five key areas. You don't need legal language — plain English works better here.

1. Define What's Confidential

Be specific about what counts as private information. Vague language like "everything" can lead to disagreements later.

Consider including:

The existence of the arrangement itself
Details about physical intimacy
Private conversations (text, voice, in-person)
Personal information shared during the arrangement (finances, health, family matters)
Photos or videos shared privately

Example language: "We agree that the following are confidential: the nature of our arrangement, any intimate details, private messages between us, and personal information shared in confidence."

2. Identify Who You Can and Can't Tell

Total secrecy isn't always realistic. Some people might want to tell a therapist or one close friend. That's fine — just agree on it.

Example language: "Each of us may discuss the arrangement with a licensed therapist or one designated trusted friend, but agrees not to share details with mutual friends, coworkers, or on social media."

3. Cover Digital Privacy

This is a big one. Screenshots, screen recordings, and forwarded messages can spread fast.

Your clause should address:

No screenshotting private conversations without permission
No sharing intimate photos with anyone, ever
No posting about the arrangement on social media (even vaguely)
What happens to shared photos or messages if the arrangement ends

For more on this topic, check out our guide on digital privacy in casual agreements.

4. Set a Duration

Does confidentiality end when the arrangement ends? Most people want privacy that lasts indefinitely, and that's a reasonable expectation.

Example language: "This confidentiality agreement continues after our arrangement ends. Neither of us will disclose confidential information at any time, unless both of us agree in writing."

For a deeper look at post-arrangement privacy, see post-arrangement confidentiality.

5. Address What Happens If It's Broken

You can't sue someone for gossiping (well, usually). But you can agree on expectations and consequences.

Options include:

A conversation to address the breach directly
Ending the arrangement immediately
Acknowledging that certain breaches may have legal implications (especially regarding intimate images)

Important disclaimer: Sharing intimate images without consent is illegal in many jurisdictions, regardless of whether you have a written agreement. A confidentiality clause reinforces that boundary but does not replace legal protections. If you're unsure about the laws in your area, consult a licensed attorney.

A Sample FWB Confidentiality Clause

Here's a template you can adapt:

Confidentiality

We agree to keep the following confidential: the existence and nature of our arrangement, all intimate details, private messages and conversations, and any personal information shared between us.

Neither of us will share this information with mutual friends, coworkers, family members, or on social media. Each of us may discuss the arrangement with a licensed therapist or counselor.

No intimate photos or videos will be shared with any third party under any circumstances.

This confidentiality agreement remains in effect after the arrangement ends.

If either of us feels this agreement has been broken, we will discuss it directly before taking any other action.

Feel free to modify this to fit your situation. The goal isn't to create a legal document — it's to create clarity and trust.

Tips for the Conversation

Writing the clause is only half the work. You also need to talk about it. Here are some tips:

Bring it up early. Don't wait until there's a problem. Discuss confidentiality before or at the start of the arrangement.
Frame it as mutual protection. This isn't about controlling anyone. It's about both people feeling safe.
Be open to negotiation. Maybe one person wants to tell a close friend and the other doesn't. Find a compromise.
Put it in writing. Even a shared note on your phones is better than a verbal agreement. Verbal promises are easy to forget or reinterpret. For more on why, read why verbal agreements fail.

What This Clause Can't Do

Let's be honest about limitations:

A confidentiality clause in a casual arrangement is generally not legally enforceable the way an NDA between businesses would be. For more on the difference, see NDA vs. confidentiality clause.
It won't prevent someone from talking if they really want to.
It can't undo damage once private information has been shared.

What it can do is set clear expectations, demonstrate mutual respect, and give both people a reference point if boundaries are crossed. That's worth a lot in a casual arrangement.

Final Checklist

Before finalizing your FWB confidentiality clause, make sure you've covered:

What specific information is considered confidential
Who (if anyone) each person is allowed to tell
Rules about screenshots, photos, and digital sharing
How long confidentiality lasts (ideally indefinitely)
What happens if the agreement is broken
Both people have read, discussed, and agreed to the terms

For a broader look at confidentiality in casual agreements, visit our privacy and confidentiality hub.