Shared Photos and Content: What to Agree On Before Sharing

In the age of smartphones, every moment is potentially documented. That's fine when it's a sunset photo. It's considerably less fine when intimate photos or identifying content are shared within a casual arrangement without clear agreements about how they'll be used, stored, and — critically — what happens to them if the arrangement ends.

This isn't about being paranoid. It's about being intentional with content that could genuinely affect someone's life if mishandled.

Why You Need a Content Agreement

Consider what's at stake. Photos and videos shared in a casual arrangement might include:

Intimate or revealing images
Photos that identify someone in a context they'd prefer to keep private
Screenshots of conversations
Location-tagged images that reveal where someone lives or works
Content that could affect someone's professional reputation, custody situation, or personal relationships

Even when both parties have the best intentions, breakups happen, feelings get complicated, and phones get stolen. A clear agreement about shared content is a safety net — not an insult.

What to Agree On

Start by establishing what you're both comfortable creating and exchanging:

Casual photos together (fully clothed, social settings)
Affectionate photos (couple-like poses, not explicitly intimate)
Intimate or explicit content (this needs its own detailed conversation)
Screenshots of conversations
Voice messages or recordings
Videos

Both parties should be able to set different comfort levels for different types of content. Just because someone is comfortable sharing selfies doesn't mean they're comfortable with explicit photos.

2. Where Can Content Be Stored?

This matters more than most people realize:

On personal devices only — not cloud-synced, not backed up to shared accounts
In encrypted apps — Signal, for example, allows disappearing messages
Not at all — some people prefer that explicit content is viewed but not saved

Discuss:

Whether screenshots are acceptable
Whether content can be stored on cloud services
Whether either person uses shared devices (family iPad, work laptop) where content might be visible

3. Who Can See the Content?

The default should be: nobody else, ever. But make it explicit:

Content shared between us is for our eyes only
No sharing with friends, even "anonymously"
No posting to social media, even with faces cropped
No showing content to others on your phone

This isn't about trust — it's about having a clear agreement so there's never ambiguity about what's acceptable.

4. What Happens to Content When the Arrangement Ends?

This is the most important part, and it's the one most people skip. Before sharing anything sensitive, agree on:

Deletion expectations. Will both parties delete all intimate content when the arrangement ends? Within what timeframe?

Verification. How will you confirm deletion? Some couples do this together as part of an exit conversation. Our guide on how to end an arrangement gracefully includes content as part of the process.

Cloud and backup considerations. Deleting a photo from your phone doesn't delete it from iCloud, Google Photos, or your last backup. Agree on scope of deletion.

Screenshots and saved messages. These are easy to forget about. Include them in your agreement.

Creating Your Content Agreement

Here's a practical template you can adapt:

We agree that:

We will only create and share content types that both of us have explicitly consented to.
Consent for one type of content does not imply consent for another.
Either person can withdraw consent for future content sharing at any time.
Content shared between us will not be shared with any third party for any reason.
Content will be stored only on [agreed locations — personal devices, specific encrypted apps, etc.].
If either person requests deletion of specific content, the other will comply within [timeframe].
When the arrangement ends, both parties will delete all intimate content within [timeframe] and confirm deletion.

For guidance on putting this in writing as part of your broader arrangement, see writing a confidentiality section.

Legal Protections You Should Know About

While this article doesn't constitute legal advice, you should be aware that:

Revenge porn laws exist in most US states and many countries. Sharing intimate images without consent is illegal in many jurisdictions, regardless of whether you had permission to take or receive the photos initially. See our detailed overview in understanding revenge porn laws.

Confidentiality clauses in written arrangements can provide additional protection, though their enforceability varies. See can a confidentiality clause be enforced for details.

Copyright generally belongs to the person who took the photo, but this doesn't grant the right to distribute intimate images of another person.

Disclaimer: Laws vary significantly by jurisdiction. If you're concerned about content that has been or might be shared without your consent, consult an attorney in your area.

Practical Safety Tips

Beyond the agreement itself, protect yourself with practical measures:

Before sharing:

Consider whether the content includes identifying features (face, tattoos, distinctive background, location metadata)
Use apps that strip metadata from photos before sharing
Consider using platforms with disappearing message features for sensitive content
Never share content under pressure or while intoxicated

During the arrangement:

Periodically revisit your content agreement during regular check-ins
If your comfort level changes, communicate it immediately
If you discover your content agreement has been violated, address it directly — see what to do when boundaries are violated

After the arrangement:

Follow through on agreed deletion
Change passwords for any shared accounts or platforms
Consider whether any content exists that you didn't account for (screenshots, forwarded messages, cloud backups)

What If You Didn't Make an Agreement?

If you've already shared content without a formal agreement, it's not too late to create one. Raise it directly:

"I realize we never talked about the photos and messages we've shared. Can we agree on some ground rules about how those are handled, especially if things ever change between us?"

Most reasonable people will welcome this conversation. If someone reacts defensively or refuses to agree to basic content protections, treat that as significant information about whether this arrangement is safe for you.

The Bottom Line

Content shared in trust should stay in trust. A simple conversation and a brief written agreement can prevent devastating consequences. Have the conversation before the first photo is sent, not after something goes wrong.

For broader privacy considerations in your arrangement, see our guide on social media and privacy in arrangements.