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Privacy & Confidentiality Tools

Privacy isn't optional in casual arrangements—it's foundational. These tools help both parties define what's shared, what's protected, and what happens if those lines are crossed.

Personal Information Sharing Matrix

Maps out exactly what personal information each party is comfortable sharing. Prevents the common problem of one person assuming the other is fine with something they never explicitly agreed to.

Each person completes their column independently, then share and compare. Pay special attention to items where one person marked “SHARE” and the other marked “PRIVATE.”

The third-party disclosure section is especially important. Know who knows, and agree on who should never know.

PERSONAL INFORMATION SHARING MATRIX ===================================== Date: _______________ Completed by: [ ] Both parties [ ] Person A [ ] Person B For each category, mark your comfort level: SHARE = comfortable sharing this PARTIAL = share limited version only (specify) PRIVATE = do not share under any circumstances IDENTITY INFORMATION Person A Person B Notes Full legal name [ ] [ ] _______________ Date of birth [ ] [ ] _______________ Home address [ ] [ ] _______________ Work address / employer [ ] [ ] _______________ Phone number (personal) [ ] [ ] _______________ Phone number (dedicated) [ ] [ ] _______________ Email address (personal) [ ] [ ] _______________ Email address (dedicated) [ ] [ ] _______________ Social media profiles [ ] [ ] _______________ PERSONAL LIFE Person A Person B Notes Relationship/marital status [ ] [ ] _______________ Children/dependents [ ] [ ] _______________ Family details [ ] [ ] _______________ Health information [ ] [ ] _______________ Income/financial details [ ] [ ] _______________ Past arrangements [ ] [ ] _______________ THIRD-PARTY DISCLOSURE Who knows about this arrangement? Person A has told: _______________________________________________ Person B has told: _______________________________________________ Who should NEVER know? Person A: _______________________________________________ Person B: _______________________________________________ If someone asks, agreed cover story (if applicable): _______________________________________________

Key questions to discuss:

  • ▸"Is there anything marked PARTIAL that we should clarify? What exactly would a limited version look like?"
  • ▸"Are there people in your life who might find out on their own, even if we don't tell them?"
  • ▸"What would you want me to do if someone directly asks me about us?"

Digital Privacy Checklist

A practical checklist for managing the digital footprint of your arrangement. Covers messaging, photos, social media, financial traces, and device security.

Go through this checklist together at the start of the arrangement. Revisit it if you change communication apps, devices, or if either party's living situation changes.

Digital traces are the most common way arrangements are unintentionally exposed. This checklist addresses the gaps most people miss.

Quick privacy audit — check what you've already addressed:

0/7 completed
DIGITAL PRIVACY CHECKLIST ========================== Date: _______________ MESSAGING & COMMUNICATION [ ] We use a dedicated messaging app: _______________ [ ] Messages are set to auto-delete after: _______________ [ ] We do NOT use messaging apps linked to primary accounts [ ] Call history is managed (deleted or unlisted) [ ] We have separate contact names stored as: _______________ PHOTOS & MEDIA [ ] No photos taken without explicit consent [ ] Photos that include faces: [ ] Allowed [ ] Not allowed [ ] Photos stored: [ ] On device only [ ] In cloud [ ] Not stored [ ] If arrangement ends, all photos will be: [ ] Deleted by both parties [ ] Kept with permission [ ] Discussed at that time SOCIAL MEDIA [ ] We do NOT follow each other on public accounts [ ] We do NOT tag, mention, or reference each other online [ ] Location sharing is: [ ] Off [ ] Limited [ ] N/A [ ] We have reviewed privacy settings on shared platforms FINANCIAL TRACES [ ] Payments use non-descriptive labels [ ] Transaction history is managed on both sides [ ] No shared financial accounts or linked services [ ] Venmo/PayPal/Zelle transactions are set to private DEVICES & ACCESS [ ] No shared device passwords or PINs [ ] No access to each other's email or accounts [ ] No location tracking apps shared between us [ ] Browsers cleared after relevant sessions if shared device IF PRIVACY IS BREACHED Agreed response plan: _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________

Confidentiality Terms Builder

A structured framework for defining what's confidential, who can be told, how long confidentiality lasts, and what happens if it's broken. Creates mutual understanding without pretending to be a legal contract.

CONFIDENTIALITY TERMS BUILDER =============================== Date: _______________ Between: Person A (_______________) and Person B (_______________) SECTION A: WHAT IS CONFIDENTIAL The following information is considered confidential and must not be shared with anyone outside this arrangement: [ ] The existence of this arrangement [ ] The identity of either party [ ] Financial terms and amounts [ ] Personal details shared in confidence [ ] Photos, messages, or media exchanged [ ] Meeting locations and schedules [ ] Other: _______________________________________________ SECTION B: PERMITTED DISCLOSURES Either party MAY share information with: [ ] A licensed therapist or counselor [ ] A close trusted friend (maximum: ___ people) [ ] A legal professional if needed [ ] Other: _______________________________________________ When sharing with permitted contacts, the following must stay private: _______________________________________________ SECTION C: DURATION OF CONFIDENTIALITY These confidentiality terms: [ ] Apply during the arrangement only [ ] Continue for ___ months after the arrangement ends [ ] Continue indefinitely [ ] Other: _______________________________________________ SECTION D: IF CONFIDENTIALITY IS BROKEN If either party breaches these terms: 1. The affected party will raise the issue directly 2. Both parties will discuss whether the arrangement can continue 3. Agreed consequences (if any): _______________________________________________ SECTION E: ACKNOWLEDGMENT Person A understands and agrees: [ ] Yes Date: _______________ Person B understands and agrees: [ ] Yes Date: _______________ Note: This is a mutual understanding, not a legal contract. Its value lies in the clarity it creates, not enforceability.

Important considerations:

  • ▸Confidentiality terms should protect both parties equally. If one person bears all the risk, the terms need adjustment.
  • ▸Be specific about "permitted disclosures." Saying "a close friend" is less useful than agreeing on a maximum number.
  • ▸Consider what happens to shared digital content (photos, messages) when the arrangement ends.

Formal documentation increases alignment: Privacy conversations feel awkward, but they prevent far worse situations. Documenting privacy terms upfront means both parties know exactly what's expected—and neither has to wonder whether they're crossing a line.

Privacy terms should also cover what happens when an arrangement ends. The Post-Arrangement Checklist includes a dedicated section for digital cleanup and ongoing confidentiality.

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