How to End an Informal Roommate Agreement

Living with someone under an informal agreement—whether you are splitting rent without being on the lease, sharing a friend's spare room, or cohabitating after a casual conversation about "just moving in for a while"—works great until it does not. And when it stops working, the lack of formal structure that made things easy at the beginning makes things complicated at the end.

This guide is for anyone who needs to end a living arrangement that was built on trust and conversation rather than legal paperwork.

Understanding What You Are Actually Ending

Informal roommate agreements come in many flavors, and the approach to ending them depends on your specific situation:

Scenario A: You are both on the lease. Even without a written roommate agreement between the two of you, you both have legal obligations to the landlord. Ending the arrangement between you does not end the lease. This requires coordination.

Scenario B: One person is on the lease, the other is not. The person not on the lease has less legal standing but may still have tenant rights in many jurisdictions, even without a formal lease. Do not assume you can simply kick someone out or that you must leave with zero notice.

Scenario C: Neither person is on a lease (e.g., subletting, house-sitting, or staying with a homeowner friend). The most informal of informal arrangements, but tenant protections may still apply depending on local law.

Disclaimer: Tenant rights and housing laws vary significantly by location. What follows is general guidance—consult local tenants' rights organizations or a housing attorney for your specific jurisdiction.

Step 1: Decide What You Want

Before having the conversation, get clear on your own needs:

Are you the one leaving or the one asking the other person to leave? These are very different conversations.
What is your ideal timeline? When do you want the change to happen?
What is your minimum acceptable timeline? What is the latest you could tolerate?
Are there financial loose ends? Shared deposits, prepaid rent, shared purchases?
Are you open to negotiation? Or is this a firm decision?

Step 2: Have the Conversation

If You Are the One Leaving

This is the more straightforward conversation. You are choosing to go, so the main considerations are timing and fairness.

Sample approach: "I have been thinking about our living situation, and I have decided I need to move out. I wanted to talk to you about it directly rather than spring it on you. I am thinking [timeline], which should give you time to figure out your next steps. I want to handle this fairly—let us talk about how to deal with the financial side."

Key things to address:

When you plan to leave
How you will handle your share of rent during the transition
Whether you will help find a replacement roommate
How to handle the security deposit (if applicable)
How to divide shared belongings

If You Are Asking Them to Leave

This conversation is harder and requires more sensitivity. Even in an informal arrangement, asking someone to leave their home is a significant ask.

Sample approach: "This is a hard conversation to have, and I want to be respectful about it. I have realized that our living arrangement is not working for me anymore, and I think we need to talk about a plan for transitioning. I want to give you enough time to find a good situation."

Important: Even in informal agreements, you may not be able to simply tell someone to leave immediately. Many jurisdictions require formal notice periods even for guests who have become tenants through extended stays. Research your local laws before this conversation.

Step 3: Agree on a Notice Period

If your informal arrangement did not include a notice period, you will need to agree on one now. Fair notice periods for informal roommate situations typically range from 30 to 60 days, depending on:

Local laws — Some jurisdictions mandate minimum notice periods regardless of what you agreed to
How long the person has lived there — Someone who has been there a year deserves more notice than someone who moved in a month ago
Practical considerations — How long it will reasonably take to find alternative housing in your area
Financial realities — Can both parties afford the transition without hardship?

When you cannot agree on a timeline: If you are the homeowner or leaseholder and your informal roommate will not agree to a reasonable timeline, you may need to pursue formal legal channels (like a formal notice to vacate per your local laws). Do not change locks, remove belongings, or shut off utilities—these are often illegal even when someone has no formal lease.

Step 4: Handle the Financial Loose Ends

Informal roommate agreements often have equally informal financial arrangements, which makes ending them tricky.

Rent and Utilities

If both names are on the lease: You will need to coordinate with the landlord about removing one person. The remaining person will need to qualify for the apartment alone or find a new roommate.
If one person is on the lease: The departing person's rent obligation ends when they leave (per your agreement), but be fair about timing—do not leave mid-month without covering your share.
Pro-rate the final month if the departure does not align with the end of a billing cycle.

Security Deposits

If you both contributed to a security deposit, document how it will be returned or credited.
If only one person is on the lease, the security deposit typically stays with the lease—the departing person should be reimbursed directly by the remaining person, or the amount should be deducted from final rent.
Document the condition of the room or shared spaces to avoid disputes about damage.

Shared Purchases

Go through shared purchases and decide who keeps what. Some approaches:

Whoever bought it, keeps it (simplest, not always fair if costs were shared)
Split the current value — One person keeps the item and pays the other half of what it is currently worth
Alternate picks — Take turns choosing items from the shared inventory

For more on financial aspects of ending arrangements, see Handling Financial Terms When an Arrangement Ends.

Step 5: Handle the Practical Transition

A Moving-Out Checklist

Shared Technology and Access

Remove yourself from shared Wi-Fi networks
Change passwords on shared streaming accounts
Remove smart home access (thermostats, cameras, locks)
Transfer or cancel shared delivery service accounts

When Things Get Contentious

If the ending becomes hostile, here are some principles:

Document everything. Keep text messages, emails, and any written communication. If you agree to terms verbally, follow up with a text confirmation.

Do not escalate. Even if the other person is being unreasonable, staying calm and reasonable protects you practically and legally.

Know your rights. Look up tenant rights in your area. Local tenant advocacy organizations often provide free guidance.

Get help if needed. If the situation becomes threatening or involves power imbalances, do not hesitate to involve a neutral third party or seek legal assistance.

Avoid retaliatory behavior. Do not withhold rent, damage property, or use access to shared spaces as leverage. Apart from being wrong, it can have legal consequences.

Preserving the Relationship

Many informal roommate arrangements are between friends, and ending the living arrangement does not have to end the friendship—but it takes effort.

Separate the living frustrations from the friendship
Give each other some breathing room after the transition
Acknowledge that the living situation was not a failure—it just ran its course
Plan a no-stakes hangout a few weeks after the transition to reset

For broader guidance on ending arrangements well, explore the Ending Arrangements hub.