When One Person Wants Out and the Other Doesn't

This is the scenario everyone dreads: one person is ready to walk away, and the other wants to keep going. In a traditional relationship, this is a breakup. In a casual arrangement, it's supposed to be simpler — but it rarely feels that way.

The truth is, even the most clearly defined casual arrangement involves two human beings with feelings. When those feelings diverge, things get complicated fast. Here's how to navigate it with honesty and respect, whether you're the one leaving or the one being left.

If You're the One Who Wants Out

Be Direct and Kind — Not One or the Other

The biggest mistake people make is trying to soften the blow so much that the message gets lost. Saying "maybe we should take a break" when you mean "I want to end this" is not kindness — it's confusion.

Be clear: "I'd like to end our arrangement." Then be kind about the why and the how.

What to say:

"This has been a positive experience, and I respect you. I've decided I want to end our arrangement."
"My circumstances have changed, and I'm not able to continue this. I want to handle the ending respectfully."

What not to say:

"I think we should see other people" (you probably already were — that was the point)
"It's not you, it's me" (vague and dismissive)
"Let's just see how it goes" when you've already decided (dishonest)

Choose the Right Setting

Don't do this over text if you've been seeing each other regularly for more than a month. A phone call is the minimum courtesy. An in-person conversation in a neutral, semi-private location is better.

The exception: if you have any safety concerns, do whatever makes you feel safest, including text. Your wellbeing takes priority over etiquette.

Expect a Reaction — and Don't Try to Fix It

The other person might be hurt, angry, confused, or all three. That's normal. Your job is to be honest and compassionate, not to manage their emotions for them.

Don't:

Offer to "stay friends" in the moment (it's too soon)
Agree to "try again" just to avoid the discomfort
Get defensive about your decision

Do:

Listen to their response
Acknowledge their feelings ("I understand this isn't what you wanted")
Stay firm on your decision
Discuss notice periods and post-arrangement boundaries once the initial emotion settles

If You're the One Who Doesn't Want It to End

This is painful. Even in a "casual" context, rejection stings. Here's how to handle it without damaging your self-respect.

Accept the Decision

You cannot negotiate someone into staying in an arrangement they want to leave. Trying to — through bargaining, guilt, emotional pressure, or offering better terms — will only make the ending uglier and erode the good memories.

An arrangement requires ongoing, enthusiastic consent from both parties. The moment one person withdraws that consent, the arrangement is over. Full stop.

Don't Mistake Grief for Love

Sometimes the panic of losing an arrangement feels like deep romantic love. It might be. But it also might be:

Fear of being alone
Loss of routine and structure
Financial anxiety
Ego bruise

Give yourself time before interpreting your feelings. Read more about this in When Feelings Get Involved.

Ask for What You Need (Within Reason)

It's okay to make reasonable requests during the transition:

"Can I have a week to process before we do the logistics?"
"Can we have one more conversation to get closure?"
"I need to know that our private information stays private."

It's not okay to:

Demand they explain their reasons in detail
Insist on a "trial period" to prove things can work
Threaten to reveal information about the arrangement
Refuse to return their property

The Most Common Scenarios (and How to Handle Them)

Scenario 1: "I've developed feelings and they haven't."

This is the classic casual arrangement divergence. One person caught feelings; the other didn't. The person with feelings often wants to either escalate to a relationship or end things to protect themselves.

Best approach: Be honest about where you are. "I've started developing deeper feelings, and since that's not what we agreed to, I think it's best for me to step away." This is mature, self-aware, and gives the other person nothing to argue with.

Scenario 2: "They found someone else."

Maybe the other person entered a traditional relationship, or started a new arrangement that takes priority. This can feel like being replaced, even if logically you understand the nature of what you had.

Best approach: Remember that this was always a possibility in a casual setup. Wish them well genuinely if you can, and focus on the post-arrangement boundary conversation.

Scenario 3: "They just want to stop, no real reason."

Sometimes people just... stop wanting to do something. There doesn't have to be a dramatic reason. Trying to extract a "real reason" is usually fruitless and often hurtful.

Best approach: Accept it. "I don't want to continue" is a complete reason.

Scenario 4: "I want out because they've been violating our terms."

If the other person has broken rules you agreed on — boundary violations, dishonesty, financial issues — you have every right to end things immediately, no notice period required.

Best approach: State clearly which terms were violated and that you're ending the arrangement effective immediately. Don't get drawn into a debate about whether the violation was "really that bad."

A Checklist for the "One Wants Out" Conversation

For the person ending things:

Choose an appropriate time and method for the conversation
Be clear and direct about your decision
Avoid blame or character attacks
Propose a timeline for wrapping up logistics
Offer to discuss returning property at a later date
Set clear post-arrangement boundaries

For the person receiving the news:

Listen without interrupting
Ask clarifying questions if needed, but don't interrogate
Request reasonable transition time if necessary
Avoid making promises or threats in the heat of the moment
Reach out to a friend or counselor for support afterward

The Bottom Line

Lopsided endings are uncomfortable, but they're also inevitable in a world where two people rarely feel exactly the same way at exactly the same time. The measure of a good arrangement isn't whether it ends — all arrangements end eventually. It's whether both people can walk away with their dignity intact.

For more on handling endings well, visit our Ending Arrangements hub.