Open Relationship Agreement Template: What to Include

Open relationships work when the rules are clear. They fall apart when people assume they're on the same page without actually checking. A written agreement might feel unromantic, but it's one of the most caring things you can do — it shows you respect the other person enough to be explicit about boundaries rather than leaving them to guess.

Here's what your open relationship agreement should cover, why each section matters, and a template you can customize to fit your situation.

Why Written Agreements Matter in Open Relationships

In monogamous relationships, the rules are largely assumed: exclusivity, no dating other people, no physical intimacy with others. You might not have ever stated these rules out loud because the cultural default makes them implicit.

Open relationships don't have a cultural default. "Open" means different things to different people. Without a written agreement, you're likely operating on different definitions — and that's where hurt feelings, broken trust, and relationship-ending misunderstandings come from.

A written agreement ensures:

• Both partners define "open" the same way
• Boundaries are explicit, not assumed
• There's a reference point when questions or conflicts arise
• Each partner feels secure in knowing what's expected

The Core Sections of an Open Relationship Agreement

1. Relationship Hierarchy and Priorities

Start by defining your primary relationship and how other connections fit around it.

Questions to answer:

• Is this a primary/secondary model, or are all relationships equal?
• Does the primary relationship get scheduling priority?
• Are there commitments (date nights, trips, family events) that always take precedence?
• How much emotional investment in other relationships is comfortable?

Sample language:

"Our relationship is our primary commitment. Other connections are welcome but should not interfere with our scheduled time together (currently [days/frequency]). Major life decisions are made together as primary partners."

2. Physical Boundaries

This is often the most sensitive section, but it's the most important. Be as specific as you need to be.

Consider:

• What types of physical contact are okay with others?
• Are there specific acts reserved only for your primary relationship?
• Safer sex practices — what's required? (Barrier use, testing frequency, etc.)
• Is physical intimacy at your shared home okay, or only elsewhere?

Sample language:

"Both partners agree to use barrier protection with all other partners. STI testing will occur every [timeframe]. [Specific acts] are reserved for our primary relationship. Intimacy with other partners will not take place in our shared home."

3. Emotional Boundaries

Physical boundaries tend to get more attention, but emotional boundaries are equally important and often harder to define.

Think about:

• Is it okay to develop feelings for other people?
• How deep can other relationships get? (Casual only? Dating? Love?)
• Are there limits on frequency of contact with other partners?
• Gift-giving or financial support to other partners — okay or not?

These boundaries are highly personal and often need to be revisited as the relationship evolves.

4. Disclosure and Transparency

How much do you want to know about each other's other relationships? There's a wide spectrum here, and neither end is wrong — but both partners need to agree.

Full disclosure model: Share everything — who, what, when, where. Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT): Other relationships exist but details aren't shared. Partial disclosure: Share that something happened and with whom, but not specific details.

Most relationship counselors who work with open relationships recommend some level of disclosure, as DADT models tend to create anxiety and erode trust. But the right level depends on you.

Sample language:

"Both partners agree to disclose new connections before physical intimacy occurs. We will share first names and basic context (how we met, general nature of the connection). Detailed accounts of intimate encounters will only be shared if both partners explicitly want them."

5. Veto Power

This is controversial in the open relationship community. Some couples have a veto — either partner can shut down a specific outside connection. Others find this controlling and prefer to address concerns through conversation.

If you include a veto:

• Define when it can be used (specific concerns vs. general discomfort)
• Require a conversation before the veto is exercised
• Agree on whether it's a temporary pause or permanent end to the outside connection
• Set limits on how often it can be used

If you don't include a veto:

• Define a process for raising concerns about specific outside relationships
• Agree on how you'll handle situations where one partner is uncomfortable

6. Time Management

One of the most practical concerns in open relationships is scheduling.

Address:

• How much time per week/month is allocated to other connections
• Advance notice required for dates with others
• How last-minute changes are handled
• Whether certain days or times are reserved for the primary relationship

Sample language:

"Each partner may spend up to [X] evenings per month with other partners. At least 24 hours' notice is preferred for planned dates. [Day] evenings and [Day] mornings are reserved for us."

7. Social Boundaries

• Can other partners be introduced to friends or family?
• Are other relationships visible on social media?
• What happens at social events — are other partners invited?
• How do you handle running into other partners in public?

See social media boundaries in arrangements for more on the digital side.

8. Health and Safety

Beyond safer sex practices, consider:

• Substance use during encounters with other partners
• How potential health exposures are communicated
• Emergency contact protocols

9. Review and Renegotiation

Open relationship agreements should evolve as the relationship does.

Sample language:

"We will review this agreement every [30/60/90] days. Either partner may request an earlier review if circumstances change. Changes require mutual agreement and will be documented in writing."

For general guidance on updating agreements, see renegotiating terms in ongoing arrangements.

10. Closure / Returning to Monogamy

What happens if one or both partners want to close the relationship?

• Is a return to monogamy on the table?
• What's the process? (Immediate, gradual, after current connections wind down?)
• How are existing outside connections handled?

Complete Template

Here's a customizable template combining all the sections:

OPEN RELATIONSHIP AGREEMENT

Date: [Date]
Partners: [Name] and [Name]

1. OUR PRIMARY RELATIONSHIP
   [Define hierarchy, priorities, commitments]

2. PHYSICAL BOUNDARIES
   [Define permitted/reserved activities, safer sex practices]

3. EMOTIONAL BOUNDARIES
   [Define depth of other connections, limits]

4. DISCLOSURE
   [Define what's shared, when, and how much]

5. CONCERNS ABOUT OUTSIDE CONNECTIONS
   [Veto policy or conversation process]

6. TIME AND SCHEDULING
   [Time allocation, notice requirements, reserved time]

7. SOCIAL BOUNDARIES
   [Social media, friends, family, public encounters]

8. HEALTH AND SAFETY
   [Testing schedule, safer sex requirements, communication]

9. REVIEW SCHEDULE
   [How often, process for updates]

10. CLOSING THE RELATIONSHIP
    [Process for returning to monogamy if desired]

We have read, discussed, and agree to these terms.

[Partner A signature and date]
[Partner B signature and date]

Final Tips

• Start conservative. You can always loosen boundaries later. Tightening them after they've been crossed is much harder.
• Check in regularly. Feelings change. What was comfortable three months ago might not be now.
• Be honest about jealousy. It will come up. Having agreed-upon ways to talk about it is more useful than pretending it won't happen.
• Remember: the agreement serves the relationship. If following the agreement is making one or both of you miserable, revise it.

For more on different types of casual agreements, visit the types of casual agreements hub.