FWB Agreement Essentials: What to Put in Writing

Writing down terms for a friends-with-benefits arrangement sounds either deeply practical or deeply unromantic, depending on who you ask. Here is the case for doing it anyway: FWB arrangements fail most often not because of incompatibility, but because of mismatched expectations that were never clearly communicated. A simple written agreement is not a legal document—it is a communication tool that forces both people to say what they actually mean.

This guide covers what a FWB agreement should include, how to write it in a way that feels natural rather than clinical, and what to leave out.

Why Write Anything Down?

You might be thinking: is not the whole point of FWB that it is low-key? Why formalize it?

Three reasons:

Memory is unreliable. What you both "agreed to" during a late-night conversation three weeks ago is remembered differently by each person. Writing it down creates a reference point.
Saying it forces clarity. The act of writing something down exposes vagueness. "We will keep it casual" sounds clear until you try to define what it means—and discover you have very different definitions.
It makes hard conversations easier later. When something needs to change or a boundary gets crossed, you can reference what you agreed to instead of starting from scratch. This is especially valuable because, as we discuss in Why Verbal Agreements Fail, spoken agreements are notoriously unreliable.

This does not mean drafting a ten-page document. A shared note on a phone, a brief document, or even a structured text conversation can serve the purpose.

What to Include in a FWB Agreement

1. What This Is (and Is Not)

Start by naming the arrangement. This is the most important section because it aligns both people on the fundamental nature of what you are doing.

Cover:

This is a friends-with-benefits arrangement
It is not a committed romantic relationship (unless you both want it to become one)
The friendship is the priority—the benefits are an addition to the friendship, not a replacement for it
Both people enter this freely and can exit at any time

Example language: "This is a friends-with-benefits arrangement between [names]. We value our friendship above the physical component and agree that this arrangement does not constitute a committed romantic relationship. Either person can end the arrangement at any time."

2. Exclusivity Terms

One of the most common sources of FWB conflict. Address it directly.

Are you exclusive to each other?
Are you free to see other people?
If you are non-exclusive, do you want to know about others?
What changes if one person starts dating someone seriously?

See Exclusivity Clauses: Agreeing on Whether You Can Date Others for a deep dive on this topic.

3. Physical Boundaries and Sexual Health

Non-negotiable territory that belongs in every FWB agreement.

What are each person's physical boundaries?
What protection will you use?
When were you each last tested for STIs?
How frequently will you get tested?
What happens if either person becomes intimate with someone else—how does that affect health protocols?

For comprehensive guidance, see Consent and Physical Boundaries in Casual Arrangements.

4. Communication Expectations

FWB arrangements are especially vulnerable to communication misunderstandings because the usual relationship communication norms do not apply.

Specify:

How often you expect to communicate (daily check-ins? only when planning to see each other?)
Preferred communication platform (see Choosing Communication Platforms)
Response time expectations (is a same-day response expected, or is a slower pace fine?)
How you will handle radio silence (what does it mean when one person goes quiet?)

For more detail, see Communication Norms and Boundaries.

5. Emotional Boundaries

This is the tightrope of FWB arrangements. Too much emotional distance and it feels cold. Too much emotional closeness and it stops being "casual."

Address:

What level of emotional intimacy are you both comfortable with?
What happens if one person develops deeper feelings? (Agreement to be honest about it immediately is a good baseline.)
Are there relationship-type activities you want to avoid (meeting family, being plus-ones at weddings, daily "good morning" texts)?

See Emotional Boundaries in Casual Relationships for a thorough guide.

How does this arrangement interact with the rest of your lives?

Do your friends know?
How do you behave around mutual friends? (No PDA? Pretend nothing is happening? Openly acknowledged?)
What about social media—are there boundaries about what you post or how you interact online?
How do you refer to each other when talking to others?

For more on this, see Social Media Boundaries in Arrangements and How Much to Share with Friends.

7. Time and Availability

How often do you plan to see each other?
Are sleepovers part of the arrangement?
How much advance notice do you give before wanting to meet up?
Are there "off-limits" times (work nights, family weekends)?

See Setting Boundaries Around Time and Availability.

8. The Exit Plan

Every FWB arrangement should include terms for how it ends. Not because you are planning for failure, but because knowing there is a clear, respectful way out makes both people feel safer.

Include:

Either person can end the arrangement at any time, for any reason
How the ending conversation happens (in person preferred, phone call at minimum)
Whether there is a cooling-off period before resuming the friendship
What happens to any intimate photos or private messages (see Digital Cleanup After Ending an Arrangement)
Mutual commitment to discretion about the arrangement after it ends

For detailed exit planning, see How to Write an Exit Clause and Ending a Friends-With-Benefits Arrangement Without Losing the Friendship.

How to Write It Without Making It Weird

Collaborative, Not Unilateral

Write it together. This should not be one person presenting a document for the other to sign. It is a conversation that happens to be documented.

Sit down with a shared note app, go through the topics, and write down what you agree on. It takes 20-30 minutes and probably leads to a better conversation than you would have had otherwise.

Plain Language

Write the way you talk. If it sounds like a legal document, it will feel like a legal document—and that is not the vibe. Use phrases like "we agree" and "we will" rather than "party A shall" and "notwithstanding."

For more on this approach, see Plain Language vs. Legal Language.

Keep It Short

Aim for one to two pages, max. This is not a comprehensive contract. It is a written snapshot of the key things you talked about.

Make It Living

Include a line like: "We agree to revisit these terms whenever either of us feels they need updating. What works now might not work later, and that is fine."

This keeps the agreement flexible and acknowledges that FWB arrangements naturally evolve.

What Not to Include

Anything that feels coercive. If a term makes either person uncomfortable, it does not belong.
Penalties. This is not a contract with breach penalties. If someone breaks an agreement, the consequence is a conversation (or ending the arrangement), not a fine.
Anything illegal. Obviously.
Overly specific scripts. You are documenting principles, not choreographing every interaction.

A Note on Enforceability

A FWB agreement is almost certainly not legally enforceable as a contract. And that is fine—enforceability is not the point. The point is clear communication.

For more on the legal status of casual agreements, see Are Casual Agreements Actually Enforceable?.

The Bottom Line

A FWB agreement is not about distrust. It is about care—caring enough about the friendship and the arrangement to invest thirty minutes in making sure you are truly on the same page.

The best FWB arrangements are the ones where both people feel safe, respected, and clear on expectations. Writing things down is one of the simplest ways to get there.

For more on different types of casual agreements, explore the Types of Casual Agreements hub.